This is for all the single ladies (yes, I know the Beyonce song just ran through your head).
“I have been hanging out with this guy a lot, I really like him –When is a a good time to have “the talk”?
My answer was a resounding NEVER! If you and this guy have something special, then you don’t need to have “the talk.” Your relationship will evolve through a bat of the eyelashes, an arm around the shoulder, and hopefully, soon and very soon, a first kiss. Now if you have already done the hokey pokey and you don’t know where your man stands, you need to have a talk with yourself with the difference between a repeat one night stand and a relationship. (And check back for a future blog on "How do I transition from "booty call" to girlfriend"?)
The talk is awkward, strange and rarely ends in a long term relationship. This is where you rush down to the comments section and tell me all about how you had the talk 6 months ago and it changed your relationship and you are soooooo happy. Check back with me in a year. My point is that if you have to talk about it, then already that dude is not showing you the affection and dedication you crave. If you have to talk him into it at the very beginning of the relationship, then what is the point?
“But what if he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship?” On this point, I totally agree with the book He’s Just Not that Into You. Friendship be damned. If a guy is attracted to you and sees partner potential, he’s not worried who he is going to the movies with or who he can talk to about “his feelings”. If you give him the slightest encouragement, he’s making a move. Either he likes you or he doesn’t. But either way, you aren’t going to “talk” your way into a great relationship. So if you are curious about whether or not he likes you, give him a little encouragement: a hand hold, a kiss on the cheek next time you see him and see what happens.
Now people are going to say this is playing games or it’s immature. People should talk about their feelings. I agree people should talk about their feelings and their needs, but most “talks” end up being one person saying, “I like you. Do you like me? What does that mean? Are we going to have babies?” It ends up placing a set of demands and expectations on a relationship that is just starting to develop. That’s like dumping a truck of cow dung on a little seedling and wondering why a tree didn’t grow. Be patient. Let things develop naturally. If it’s right, it’ll work. If it’s wrong, there’s something better. But for goodness sake, keep the talking to a minimum!