Wednesday, September 23, 2009

What if their booger is in their nose?

“I am pretty good when it comes to lettuce in the teeth or something on their face, but how do you tell them if they have a booger hanging out or even worse, it’s just inside their nose so that when you talk to them you can see it?”

Yes, this is a real question I got. So now I am going to talk about boogers. And I am going to use the term booger since this is the term my dear reader used. My answer varies based on a very important consideration – do you have a tissue or a napkin?

1. If you have a tissue/napkin – When there is a lull in the conversation or when you are getting up to leave, I would casually get out the tissue and hand it to them. When they look at you quizzically, say “I think some inmates are trying to escape” and point to your nose. This will only work if the person is not elderly, hard of hearing, or dense as a box of very dense rocks. If the person meets any of the three previous conditions, the conversation will go down a long winding, sometimes painful, path that will end with “Why were we talking about prison again?” and the person will still have snot hanging out of their nose. In this case, hand over the tissue and say “Blow your nose Grandma!” or “You might want to blow your nose” if the person is not your Grandma.

2. If you do not have a tissue – Looks like you are not really going to be able to solve this problem – are you? I would just say something like, “Next time you are in the bathroom, you may want to blow your nose – unless you are going to go do a line a Coke – then you’ll just suck all that crap hanging out of your nose right up with those little powdery pieces of euphoria that ruin your life.” You could probably stop before the “unless” if you were pressed for time. ‘

And that ladies and gentlemen is my opinion on how to tell someone they have a booger hanging out of their nose.


  1. HA! I prefer bat in the cave, but same difference.

  2. Bat in the cave is much better! Nice!