Sunday, October 12, 2014

Angie 2.0

Friday was my last day working for the union. This feels like a huge transition. I really don't know what's next. I don't have the plan all laid out. I know that I love and want to build my travel business. It feels like the doors have swung wide open and I am staring out at the landscape excited and nervous to start making my way across it. 

It's an incredible feeling to be able to make choices based on abundance and passion rather than fear or scarcity. My original job with the union came after a period of unemployment post grad school. I was lucky that it really was a perfect job for me - policy work, lobbying, campaigning just fit my skill set. Until it all fell apart. Until the stress, the drinking, and the complex personal relationships pushed me into a person I didn't want to be and I was forced/chose to move to Florida. 

In Florida, I vowed to be better, to do things differently. I did the best I could. I took on every project that needed me and tried to accomplish what I could. It was difficult always being on the edge of a learning curve. Always having to be the person with the answers - the person that was going to save the day. I moved from project to project until I just didn't have the passion for that project anymore. And then one day I woke up and I was overwhelmed with unhappiness. So I quit - the first time. I wasn't ready to quit the union - just the current project. Three months passed where I worried about what was next and spent a lot of time watching tv. I also wrote a novel and volunteered, but really my thinking was in a place of fear and panic about finding another job. I was relieved and happy when I was asked to help on a contract campaign project. Then I fell right back into the pattern of saying yes to the projects that came my way. And then one day I woke up and I was overwhelmed with unhappiness. This time I didn't just quit. This time I sat down with my husband and talked through what would be next, what our lives would look like, and what was the best way to make this transition. Then I tried to hold on as long as I could. Then I finally broke and gave my notice. 

I was relieved and excited and then sad - really really sad - and then nostalgic. Then I was grateful. It occurred to me this morning the one feeling I haven't had is fear. I am not afraid of what's next. I am confident that everything will fall into place as it is meant to. And it's already started. I went to events Thursday night and Saturday and met some of the nicest sweetest people I have met. It feels like I have been living with one foot out of the door- unwilling to commit and invest. Now I am ready to jump in with two feet - to really embrace life in Tampa - to build relationships and to find my niche where I can continue my passion to make the world a better place. It'll be challenging to go from a job that paid me to change the world to finding space and opportunity on my own. It'll be a lot of trial and error to find the next home for passion to improve the world. I am lucky that I'll be able to do that while living my passion for planning travel. I'm ready. Let's Rock and Roll.