Ask Angie: Tips for Holiday Sanity

Holiday cards

I love holiday cards. I love sending them and I love receiving them. This year I took a couple shortcuts and instead of writing out the addresses, I printed labels. I also shortened the list a bit. But the act of sitting down and writing out the cards is something I really enjoy. It gives me the time to think warm thoughts and say a short prayer for each card receipient.

Receiving the cards is very much the same. I love a good holiday letter. Reading about someone's year and the update on their lives makes me feel closer to them. Plus I learn some really good stuff.

If you are slammed with holiday joy, don't feel pressure to send cards or greetings. Take your list and divide it into four and send Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Halloween and Thanksgiving cards instead. Or choose June 25th as your day to send cards. If sending cards doesn't work at all, pick 10 people you can call, send a text message or email to reconnect at this time of year. If you are tech savy, get out the video camera, record a holiday video, upload to You Tube and send everyone the link.

We have a rule in our house - If you don't want to do it, don't. (This works because we don't have kids). What it basically means is if you don't feel like doing the dishses, don't. They can wait until morning when one of us will feel like doing them. Don't feel like making dinner - pop in a pizza. This a great alternative to being resentful that "you do everything around here."

The same can apply to Christmas. Don't feel like sending cards - don't. Send loving thoughts or messages instead.

Ask Angie: Today's Tip for Holiday Sanity

If you have made the effort to decorate your house, today is the day to enjoy it. Seriously, put it on your to do list.

 Grab your camera or even just your phone and wander around your house as if it is a house on a holiday tour. Take pictures of your holiday decorations or hand off the camera to one of your little ones and have them join you as you really enjoy how festive and fun your house looks.

Take a brief moment to stand in front of the tree and take three big breaths. Check out the ornaments and marvel at how branches and light make such a pretty picture. Allow yourself at least two minutes to do this. Everyone can find two minutes. Set a timer if you are worried about over-indulging in holiday wonderment.

If you do decide to take pictures, the good news is that you can print them and attach them to the boxes the decorations are stored in as you put them away so you know where everything is. You can also use them as a guide for next year as to where things go or a reference for those clearance sales as to what you still need or what you already have.

ENJOY!

Ask Angie: How to avoid the snark

For a lot of people, it seems that holiday cheer is often accompanied by holiday jeer - those unpleasant comments from family. The comments usually involve some commentary on your life choices. I would like to offer some optional responses.

"Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
- Yes, but he's spending the holiday with his wife and kids.
- I've decided a string of  drunken one night stands is the way to go.
- What? Do I have a toy end? I don't even know what that is. (Walk away shaking head muttering someone's been hitting the whiskey a little early).

"So, when are you getting married?"
- When it's legal for all people regardless of sexual preference to marry.
- When we save enough for a spectacular ring.  Want to donate $100 to the cause?
- When the housing market turns around.
- Dude, you ruined the surprise.

"So, when are you having children?"
- Once we figure how where they come from. Do you know how babies are made?
- Once there is a new stock available, Angelina adopted them all.

Do you have a job yet? Are you still at that old job? When are you going to get a job?
- It's classified. Seriously, I can't talk about it.

When in doubt, a good old fashioned, "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about that here." and turn and walk will also do the trick as will hiding in the bathroom.

Happy Holidays!

Ask Angie: Good ideas for Holiday gifts?

A couple people have asked me for good websites for looking for unique gifts.

For the philanthropic
A gift certificate to http://www.kiva.org/ is great. The recipient picks an entrepeneur in other country to loan the amount of money equal to the gift certificate. When the loan is repaid, the receipient can decide to cash out or reinvest in another entreneur.

For fun gifts
I love http://www.uncomongoods.com/. It has great bar accessories and all kinds of kid gifts.

I also like http://www.delight.com/ and http://www.thewirelesscatalog.com/.

Another site I love is http://www.redenvelope.com/. It has a great mix of jewelry and I love their plant related gifts.

And of course, as you shop online - don't forget to stop first at http://www.goodshop.com/. You chose your favorite charitable organization and then the website will donate a percentage of your purchase to that organization.

Happy Gift Giving!

Ask Angie: Preparing for Thanksgiving

As you prepare for the holiday season, I wanted to share a couple questions I have gotten over the last weeks:

 

How to handle sports watching?
At most Thanksgiving feasts, there will a contingency of people who want to watch sports and others who just want to enjoy time with the family. I suggest utilizing the closed captioning option on your television as much as possible. This way the sports fans can check the scores and enjoy the games, but the rest of the family does not have to deal with the blaring sounds of crunching bones and idiotic commentary. Commentary such as, “If they want to win, they are going to need to score.” DUH!

 

What to bring?
If you have not been assigned a dish or beverage to bring, may I suggest a few different ways you could go:

Practical

• A basket of breakfast foods that don’t need refrigeration such as pancake mix, syrup, bagels and jams. It’s one of the things that many people forget to plan for – especially if they have guests.
• A basket of foods to help utilize the leftovers: pizza dough, sauce, cheese, a nice loaf of sandwich bread and fancy mustards.
• Desserts are always welcome

Luxurious

•  One of those super soft throws from Brookstone
•  A nice bottle of wine
•  Fancy dish towels or soap and lotions
•  Fancy chocolates

 

Most of all, just enjoy the day. Let all the petty issues and worries roll off you and just enjoy the time with your family and friends. Use the opportunity to ask your older relatives about their history - you'll get some great stories about their high school years, how they fell in love and their first job. And, of course, take a few moments to be grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!

Ask Angie: Can’t people just say thank you?

Dear Ask Angie :
I hate the holiday season! I am not a Grinch or anything – it’s just that I really enjoy buying people gifts or doing special things for them and people make such a big deal about it. They say things like “You shouldn’t have. It’s too much.. I’ll pay. We should split it. I couldn’t take that from you.” It is SO annoying! Why can’t people just say thank you?

I agree with you! I find this habit incredibly annoying! During the holiday season, we hear so much about how what we give is a blessing to other people and we should give, give, give. I believe being a gracious receiver bestows just a great of a blessing as giving. I mean who is going to do all the receiving from all this giving if everyone refuses to take help, a gift and a free lunch every now and then. People should just say thank you – and mean it. It is rude to deny people the opportunity to do nice things for you. I’ll say it again: IT IS RUDE!!!

If I want to buy you lunch – let me. I am not keeping a score card and neither should you.

If I see a bracelet that reminds me of you, let me give it to you damnit without some ten minute speech about how I shouldn’t have and you don’t have anything for me, blah!blah! blah. Just smile, say you love it and thank you very much.

How someone receives a blessing is a real statement to their character.

Think about the last gift you received or the last time someone tried to do something nice for you.

How did you react?

Were you gracious?

Did you allow it to be a blessing to person giving the blessing?

Or were you a jackass, mucking up what could have been a beautiful by arguing about it?

Let’s try a little less jackass and a little more gracious this holiday season. Okay? Thanks!

Ask Angie: Planning a trip with friend

How do you plan a vacation with a friend so you don't end up hating each other after?

This is a great question because I cannot tell you the number of times I have had friends come home from a trip and vow to never, ever travel with their latest travel mate again. So I have developed this check list of questions to help guide your discussions regarding your travel.

You have to know yourself and your expectations. What are you trying to get out of this trip? Days spent with an umbrella drink on the beach or hikes that last for hours and end in a muddy puddle? Waking up early each morning to double check your detailed itinerary or playing it by ear? BE HONEST! No one is as laid back as they think they are.

Think about your friend – How is she with logistics? Always late, annoyingly early? Good with directions? Never asks directions? Likes to have a plan or makes things up last minute? These traits will not change on vacation.

Getting it all out on the table. The most important to thing to remember when you have any conversations regarding planning the trip is that you have to be 100% honest and not just say what you think the other person wants to hear. You can be great friends that never ever travel together. It’s okay. The consequences of not being honest could ruin your trip and potentially your friendship. Once you both commit to being honest, here’s a couple questions to review together:

1. What type of vacation are you thinking about? Adventure? Beach? Ski? All-inclusive? Road trip Cruise?

2. How much do you want to spend for flights/hotels/cars?

3. How much do you want to spend daily? Fancy restaurants v. Street food?

4. How much time do you have to research and plan the trip?

5. Is it important to you that we do most of the activities together? Should the activities be planned in advance?

6. How will we make decisions on the trip ie. Where to go to dinner? (Careful here. The “I don’t care where we go gets really old really fast.)

7. What would make this vacation great?

8. Do you like having a detailed itinerary or going with the flow?

9. Is there anything you are concerned about regarding this vacation?

I recommend separately writing down the answers and then comparing. This ensures all the people involved really think about things, are honest about what each person wants, and one person doesn’t sway the whole group.

If you don’t think you need to have this conversation or you don’t want, I would say minimally you should assign a person to be in charge for each day so you don’t have to spend an hour and a half discussing where to go to dinner because everyone is saying, “I don’t care” and each person should identify one thing they really want to do during the course of the vacation.

Do you have any good trip stories? What tips do you have for planning a trip with friends?

Ask Angie: When to Confront and When to Accept: Part 2

Last week, I raised the question: When do you confront and when do you accept? The response I got was very interesting. Most people said that it really depends on the situation. I mostly agree. I do feel that many people get this all confused and end up at an extreme – either holding their loved ones to unrealistic expectations and then getting pissed when they don’t meet them or imitating a welcome mat and becoming resentful.

Today I am going to focus on the difference between setting an unrealistic expectation and communicating what you need. I call it the “change your stripes” test. There is a huge difference between asking someone to fundamentally change who they are and just letting someone know what it is you need in this moment. I find a couple examples to be helpful:

1. Expecting me to go on a 14 hour hiking excursion that necessitates using an ice axe because you love it is an unrealistic expectation. If you have met me, you know that the only thing I am doing with an ice axe is carving a vodka luge. Asking me to join you on a short hike more suited to my abilities or discussing the option of taking a hiking trip without me is communicating what you need.

2. Expecting you to magically know that I have had a bad day and need you to greet me at the door with a hug, a glass of wine and a hot bath waiting is bat sh*t crazy. Sending you a text or email with that information several hours before I head home is communicating what I need.

3. Expecting the friend who has been late to every single event you have ever attended with her to be on time for something because she “knows” how important it is to you is asking to attend a closing ceremony for that friendship. Lying to that friend about what time she needs to be there or kidnapping her so she is with you and cannot possible be late is just plain old smart.

Do these make sense?

When we enter into a relationship with someone – it is an as-is contract. There are no promises or warranties that those personality traits that don’t make your top ten are going to disappear because that person is now in a relationship with you. And let’s be honest, that person is putting up with some smelly business to be friends with you as well.


How many of you have heard the phrases:

• “How was I supposed to know?”

• “I thought that’s what you wanted!”

• “I’m not a mind reader.”

• “You should know what I need”

• “Well, he should KNOW!”

• “Why do you insist on leaving the sponge in the sink? Haven’t you noticed that I always put it back in the holder? Why don’t you put it back in the holder!” (What? That one is not so familiar? Hmmmm…)


Somehow many of us end up thinking that if we communicate to someone what we need that our relationship isn’t perfect. That if we have to tell the other person that we need a year off from exchanging gifts, or someone else to figure out dinner, or that Valentine’s Day is going to be really hard this year and you would really appreciate it if people sent you cards, then something is missing. Our perfect partner/ friend/ mother/ sister/etc. should have the magic power to read our mind. That is a ton of CRAP! I can’t be mad at you for breaking the rules if I never laid out the rules clearly and applied them consistently. Well, technically, I guess I could be mad but that would be kind of dumb and really annoying for the other person.

For me, that perfect relationship is the other person who shows up, rides your crazy train, and if I say I need something reasonable, he/she does his/her best to make it happen.

You picked the person because of their stripes – you can’t expect them to erase them mid-stream.

Ask Angie: When to confront and when to accept– Introduction

I get a lot of contradictory messages from the advice world.

On one hand, I hear: You can’t change other people - you can only change your reactions to them.

On the other hand, I hear: Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Tell people what you need. Talk about the things they should do differently in order to be a better wife, friend, sister, baseball coach, co-worker, etc.

So if I am having an issue with a friend – am I supposed to get positive or get talking?

When do you confront and when do you accept?

And what does it mean to accept? Because most of the time, when people tell me just accept something, I end up stewing in a-not-so attractive blend of anger, resentment, and can you believe that?

For the past month – this question has been heavily on my mind so I dedicating the next four Tuesdays to this very topic.

Have you had a scenario that illustrates this conundrum? If so, what was it and how did you deal with it?

Is there a particular situation you’d like me to take on? You can always email me at QuestionforAngiegmail.com

Ask Angie: Tips for a Disney Trip

Ask Angie:
I want to take my 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter to Disney world for three days in October. Where is a good place to stay on the property? How should I plan the 3 days?


Thanks!

Since we live so close to Disney, we go there quite a bit and have picked up some tips over that last couple years. I am happy to share!
NOTE: All the links highlighted in this post will take you to the section of the Disney website that corresponds to what I am discussing.

Accommodations

Disney All Star Resorts - Movies

There are a lot of options for places to stay. On the value end, we really like the All Star Resorts - Music, Movies, or Sports.   It has a couple great pools, good food court, pool activities and movies in the afternoon and we have had good experiences with taking buses to all the parks. The rooms are on the level of a Super 8 - a little dated, polyester bedspreads, but clean and everything you need. Make sure you let them know it's the first visit because you will get a special button at check in.



The Parks

With kids aged 2 and 4 and only 3 days, I would stick to the Magic Kingdom. Depending on the days of the week you are going, you can get "extra" hours at the park using your room key. There are a ton of activities and meet and greets every day so be sure to check the schedule. If you are hoping to go to a meal with characters or princesses, you need to make reservations now. They fill up very quickly.

You call the Disney dining number and say that you want to eat in the Magic Kingdom or one of the hotels for a character meal. Fort Wilderness has a Hoop De Doo Revue too that is fun and you don't need park admission for that.  Also - If you log onto the Disney website you can order park maps in advance.


Magic Kingdom
I would start as early as you can in the morning or go in the afternoon. Most families go to the parks in the morning and then leave after lunch to go swim and rest and then come back at night. If it is raining – GO! GO! GO! The lines will be much shorter, you’ll be able to run from one place to another and did I mention the lines will be MUCH shorter?

As for navigating the parks, get a map and pick a “land” to concentrate on for that day. Fantasy Land, Mickey’s Toon Town, AdventureLand will be popular. There’s a train that goes from the front of the Park to the back so it may be good one day to start in the back and work your way forward. Don’t try to navigate using the map – it is nearly impossible; just ask all the smiling Disney faces all around. They will offer the best directions.

The Rides
Some rides have very long lines: Buzz Lightyear's Ride, the race cars, Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, and Pirates of the Caribbean to name a few. These are rides you are going to want to secure a Fast Pass for as soon as possible. A Fast Pass basically saves your place in line for a given attraction. The rides that have Fast Pass are noted on the map. You go to the special Fast Pass station, you put in your admission card, and then a ticket spits out with a return time. They prefer you come back during that window, but they will usually let you get in line after that time period as well. When you come back, look for the special line marked “Fast Pass”.

You can only get one Fast Pass per admission ticket until the end time on your pass expired or if you have a very long wait until the time period, the pass will indicate a time “Your Next Fast Pass will be available.” If this is confusing, you can always try to get another Fast Pass and a blank ticket will print out indicating when you can get another Fast Pass. Every rider will need their own pass – except if the 2 year old got in free. She won’t have a ticket so she won’t need a Fast Pass.

Breaks
Tom Sawyer's Island is a good spot if you need a place to run around. American Presidents is good if you need an air-conditioned nap. There is also a train that runs around the park, a tram in Tomorrowland, and the Dixieland Ferry are good breaks.


Good luck! I would love to hear if other readers have good Disney advice.

Here's also a couple books:

Ask Angie: Can you thank someone too much?

An interesting question came my way the other day: Is there a limit to how many times you have to say thank you or bless you? For instance, if someone has a sneezing fit – do you say bless you repeatedly seven to eight times? If you are leaving the office at the same time as someone else and they open the door for you all the way out – do you just keep saying thank you?


To the thank you question – I would answer yes. If someone does something nice or generous for you, then you should say thank you over and over. I do not believe you can actually thank too much.

To the bless you question – If you are a person that bestows blessings on a sneezer, then I think one bless you is fine. It becomes a bit embarrassing for both the sneezer and the blesser to go on and on.

What about you? Do you have any questions for Ask Angie?
You can write me QuestionforAngie(at)gmail.com.

Ask Angie: References - how much truth do you tell?

I got this question the other day:

"A good friend and colleague called me the other day to get my take on a person (we'll call him Jim) who worked in my division several years ago. Jim is applying in my colleague's division. Here's the problem: I did not have the best experience working with Jim.  What should I do? Tell the truth or just stay silent?

I think this is a really hard situation. On more hand - you've had experience with Jim and if you were in your colleague's shoes, you would definitely want to know what you were getting into with a new hire. On the other - it is more professional to stick to the basics, confirm employment and that's about it.

In this case, I would  suggest that you offer an assessment of what his strengths and weaknesses were. (And I mean a real assessment not - strengths: always up for a drink; weaknesses: anything involving work) I would also be very clear that you haven't worked with him in several years and this assessment may be out of date. You should not gossip or complain about any of Jim's behavior while he was previously at the company.  The goal is to try to avoid an uncomfortable situation if Jim does get hired.

Let me know how it goes!

Ask Angie: Cheaters: Tell or keep silent?

Bethenny Frankel recently tweeted: "a stranger tells you they have a boyfriend & you know that guy(acquaintance) is cheating,do you tell them?"

I give that a resounding NO! This person is a stranger. How do you know that she is even telling the truth that he is her boyfriend? Also, how can you be sure that the boyfriend is really cheating? Did you witness him having sex or are you relying on gossip? I think it is clearly best just to stay out of this. The gossip mill usually claims a few victims every day and you don't want to be an accomplice.

What do you think? Out an alleged cheater?

Ask Angie: Trashy Pics on Facebook

I got this question: My cousin is a teacher. She has been posting pictures I consider inappropriate on her Facebook page. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she just blows me off. What should I do?

I understand this concern. There have been many examples of school districts cracking down on employee’s Facebook pages. Many employers are now checking social networking sites before making offers. Some teachers have been fired for what appeared on their site.  One teacher was forced to resign because a parent complained about her holding a drink.

As for how to raise this with your relative, I think you need to make sure she has all the information and then walk away. People have the right to make poor choices and all we can do is make sure they have the information of what the consequences for those actions will be. I would say something like:

“I want to talk to you about your Facebook page because I love you and I want the best for you. I don’t think you understand how serious having these types of pictures on Facebook can be. A teacher is Arizona was fired because a parent complained about a photo on her Facebook page where she was holding a drink. I know that your page is private, but with all the changes to Facebook – there is a very good chance that those photos could become public. Maybe instead of posting photos directly on your page – you could link to an online album that is password protected or just email the photos to your friends. I don’t want to nag about this. I just want to make sure you have all the information. I am not going to bring this up again. I love you and I just don’t want you to be surprised if something does happen.”

And then you really have to walk away and not mention it again. I would recommend defriending her on Facebook so you are not tempted to mention it again. Good luck!

Ask Angie: What’s the real story with cell phones on a plane?

A couple questions have come in recently about cell phone use on airplanes:
- What do you do when the person seated next to you is still using their cell phone after the door is shut?

- Airlines in Europe allow the use of cell phones on planes. What do you think about cell phone usage coming to United States domestic flights?


To me, cell phone use on planes comes down to two issues:

1. Is it dangerous?

2. Is it annoying?

These two questions are basically how I make all my decisions: Will it kill me? Will it annoy me? If the answer is no to both then I’ll probably do it.

Let’s just get the annoying part out of the way. Yes, a hundred people all talking on their cell phone would be annoying – so annoying in fact the airlines might as well have police standing by after every flight to arrest people for assault and battery of loud talkers. Limiting cell phone usage to texting and instant message would solve the annoying problem.

So to the dangerous question:

Many people have provided examples of their cell phones being “accidently” left on and no harm was done to the navigational system of the airplane. Now that many flights are WiFi enabled, it’s hard to believe that accessing the cell phone satellite is substantially more dangerous than accessing the WiFi satellite (because in some cases it might be the very same satellite). This article asserts that it is the FTC keeping cell phone use off planes and not the FAA. That makes sense since many European carriers have allowed cell phone use on their flights.

So my final decision on cell phone usage on planes is fine as long as it is limited to texting or instant message because that would make it not annoying and not dangerous.

Now this doesn’t electronic devices should be on during take off or landing. The reason the FAA requires you to discontinue the use of anything electronic is more about your safety in case of emergency. If something goes wrong during those critical windows of flight, they need you to be paying attention – not rapping along with Vanilla Ice remix busting from your headphones or breathlessly waiting for those vampires to do whatever it is they do. They need to be paying attention!

So what do I do when I see someone who has not turned off their cell phone and we are getting ready to take off or land. Well, if that person is in between me and an aisle – it’s dangerous and having to return to the gate to arrest this jackass would be annoying so I employ a couple different tactics:

1. I try to read what they are texting. This usually makes them uncomfortable and they’ll shut it down.

2. If they are actually talking on the phone, I glare at them. And continue to glare at them and then glare at them some more. If this doesn’t work, I will say, “I think that is supposed to be off.” Because sitting next to a pissed off person with an on-time departure is far preferable to heading back to the gate because a pissed off flight attendant was tired of jackasses who refuse to turn off their phones and decided to take a stand with this one.

Otherwise, I just leave it alone. They usually shut it off before we actually take off so the danger subsides.

What about you? Got any good cell phone plane stories?

Intervention: Better Safe than Sorry or Too Much TV

We see those TV specials when an undercover camera catches bystanders allowing all types of weird things to happen while people just stand by watching.

When do you intervene? When do you speak up? When do you call the authorities?

My husband and I faced this dilemma recently. We live across the street from an elderly woman and her daughter. The elderly woman spends a considerable amount of time outside on the front porch and sometimes is found walking the dog late at night. We have glimpsed a garage filled to the brim with boxes and made some assumptions about what the interior of the house looks like. However, the woman has maintained the same weight, wears clean clothes, and appears lucid so we just keep an eye out. Are we doing the right thing?

Another uncomfortable moment is witnessing an adult discipline a child. That infamous moment in the grocery store when the mom /dad has been pushed over the edge and resorts to yelling, yanking or spanking. Sometimes I want to intervene, try to distract the child, give the mom/dad a moment to compose him/herself, but I worry about how that would be perceived. Am I better just to mind my own business?

It's this tension between wanting to protect the vulnerable, but wanting to protect people's privacy and the fear that intervening may do more harm than good.

What do you think? What rules do you have for intervening?

Ask Angie: Squeaky wheel or you catch more flies with honey?

As I sit here in the doctor's waiting room - a scene is playing out. Apparently Hawaiian shirt man and I have the same appointment time with the same doctor. We are now 20 minutes past that appointment time. He's already gotten up twice and loudly expressed his displeasure at waiting. I have been waiting patiently and quietly.
He just got called in. I'm still waiting.

I have been taught to be patient, wait your turn, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. More and more it seems like that approach leaves me waiting while the impatient vinegar folks get what they want. And that creates a real conundrum for me. I believe in the long run that you do better by taking the "honey" approach. However, in the short run, it is infuriating when that guy who yelled the loudest gets the last seat on the plane or additional compensation while your efforts to empathize with the desk agent only earn you a middle seat on a flight eight hours later in between two very smelly heavy breathers.

So what to do? Well, I try to remember all those times when everything did magically work out. That time my connection was delayed and other passengers’ distress turned into my special blessing. I try to focus on how my distress could be transforming into a blessing for someone else.

Note: I said I try to remember this. Usually what happens is I curse a lot, think mean thoughts and then order a vodka tonic. That works pretty well too.

Ask Angie: Email ettiquette

What is an appropriate way to greet someone in an email?


I never paid any attention to how I began emails until someone complained when a subordinate used “hey” at the beginning of an email. Well, I am an avid “hey” user so I immediately became self-conscious about how I was starting emails. I definitely knew those several emails that I began with “Yo” were not going to survive this level of scrutiny so I tried on a few new styles.

I tested “good morning” or “good afternoon”. Then, I tried to write an email to someone on the west coast – they were still in the morning and I had already broken into the afternoon. What in the world to do? Do I try to anticipate when they are going to read it? What if I am sending an email late at night – assume they are reading it in the morning and say, “good morning”? It was all just too much.

Then I tried the person’s name and a comma: “Anna,”. As I wrote it, I felt it seemed a little cold to the folks I had been pummeling with “hey”s for the last six months, but I was trying to be professional - darn it. This worked until I had to send a group email. What do I do – list everyone’s name like I was writing a thank you note? Don't think so.

So, I turned to my Facebook family. The reaction was mixed. Several people worked in offices where “hey” was absolutely appropriate and used by everyone. Others’workplaces required a more rigorous level of formality. But then, my cousin came through with a brilliant suggestion. “Greetings”. Yes, “Greetings”. It’s perfect! It is appropriate for group emails, people I haven’t met, people I have met, the list goes on and on. So that is my new go-to greeting, except for when I am really mad at the one guy in research. His emails will still start with “DUDE! What was that?”

Now – how in the world to end the email?
- Sincerely,

- Until we meet again,

- As you were,

- 10-4

- I am typing on my phone so please excuse the typos.

- I never learned to spell, please read my email phonetically

- If I forgot whole words, just play your own game of Mad Libs.

Clearly, including your name is pretty important. I hear some college students struggle with this simple task. Some people draw a line and then put their contact information under it. Some people have an automated signature with “Thanks!”. I don’t like this. I want my thanks to be hand typed – thank you very much. What do you do for your signature?

A Warning: If it includes a picture or a moving animation, I am not sure we can be friends anymore.

Ask Angie: Giving Up Your Seat

Okay, so what is the modern rule on young amble bodied folks giving up seats on a mode of public transportation?

Pregnant lady – Get your ass up. Always. Even you are tired. And have packages. She is incubating a human. That is a lot harder.

Crutches, Canes, Children – UP! UP! UP! With crutches and canes, it is very difficult to maintain balance so likely this person is going to end up in your lap. With children, they are much harder to control while standing so they will end up touching you. Really – getting up is self-preservation.

The Elderly – This is where I feel things get dicey. I have gotten up before when a white-haired lady got on the bus. She looked at me like I was crazy. She huffed right past me and stood near the rear of the bus. I guess it was to prove a point that she wasn’t old. Since that moment, I have been a little gun shy about getting up for the “elderly”. Now, I definitely pause and see if the elderly people are searching for a seat. Then I will get up slightly and signal they can have my seat. If they agree, I get up. If they shake me off like a pitcher shaking off a change-up, I stay firmly in my seat.

As for the gentlemen should always get up for a lady rule – I think far too many women would take that as an insult and respond negatively. I think it is lovely and gracious. I think the gentlemen should offer. Most women would say no, but I still think it’s a nice thing to do.

What do you think? It’s 2010 – first come, first seated? Have you had any negative experiences trying to give up your seat?

Ask Angie: Stuck in the Middle with You

Recently, I was in the middle seat on an airplane and the people on either side of me proceeded to have a conversation over me. It totally sucked. They were both leaning in and smashing me like the middle of an Oreo cookie. I couldn’t relax or read. I just suffered in silence and every once in a while tried to reclaim my physical space. What would you have done?


Well, I have actually been in the situation so I can relate. Before I tell you what I actually did, let me tell you what I wanted to do:

- Every time one of them leaned, moved so I was blocking their view.

- Conduct a whispered play by play as if they were a golf match and I was that guy who makes comments.. “Oooh window seat just reaffirmed what aisle had to say. Someone has been reading their communication 101. We’ll have to see if this continues throughout the rest of the flight or if he is just a one hit wonder.”

- Repeat over and over “Please stop touching me. Please stop touching me. Please stop touching me.”

- Got up. Then stood in the aisle and forced the aisle person to move to the middle. “Listen here missy, I’ve had enough of your rude talkin’. You will either move into that middle seat or you will shut your pie hole for the rest of this flight. You hear me?”

- Explain it would be much more fun if the three of you played telephone.

- Write out super secret code words (like “the” & “and”) a la Pee Wee Herman and when they said one, yell, clap and unfold the paper. “Look you said the secret word. Yippee!!! This is so fun. Go again.”

But here’s what I actually did. I tolerate some level of chit chat prior to take-off. Once it became clear the conversation was going to continue despite the dimmed lighting, I asked if one of them wanted to switch seats. They both said no. The conversation continued so I asked again, “Are you sure you don’t want to switch seats?” At that point, luckily, a light clicked on and they realized that their behavior may possibly be super annoying. They said “we’ll quit.” And they did.

I’ve also had success in making it clear I am listening – chuckling when one of them says something funny or agreeing with a previous comment. This can also help break people out of their cocoon. It’s amazing how people pay no attention to the fact that other people may be listening. Once I even took notes when two suit-wearers started discussing stocks. They quieted down when I asked how to spell on of the companies they were discussing.

What about you? How have you dealt with annoying seat mates?